her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?