there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If that was your dad, he is hot
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.