i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"