I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Holy shit dude........stairs
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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