I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
