My hand turned me down
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
