whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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