I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
