she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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