Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.

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(617): So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon. http://tfl.nu/mzh2

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(910): View more from North Carolina

another moral hangover. fuck.

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(910): another moral hangover. fuck. http://tfl.nu/vn7k

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(732): View more from New Jersey

She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.

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(732): She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS. http://tfl.nu/97yj

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(512): View more from Texas

he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man

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(512): he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man http://tfl.nu/37r4

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.

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(413): i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool. http://tfl.nu/ncnm

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(904): View more from Florida

he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up

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(904): he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up http://tfl.nu/1mju

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(914): View more from New York

just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.

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(914): just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic. http://tfl.nu/5aat

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(815): View more from Illinois

just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.

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(815): just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet. http://tfl.nu/j91e

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(563): View more from Iowa

I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?

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(563): I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one? http://tfl.nu/bi5f

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(804): View more from Virginia

Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.

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(804): Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed. http://tfl.nu/0qnd

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.

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(+44): We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it. http://tfl.nu/ow31

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.

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(780): I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past. http://tfl.nu/8nfc

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.

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(603): Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight. http://tfl.nu/c8kn

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(819): View more from Quebec

I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.

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(819): I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex. http://tfl.nu/mg33

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(512): View more from Texas

The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning

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(512): The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning http://tfl.nu/lha0

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