I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.