loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext