I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...