grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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