Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
