She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
