**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
