Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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