I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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