i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
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Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
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