I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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