My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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