Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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