Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
