I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
