Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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