Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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