My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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