I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
