Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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