My friends, they love my intelligence
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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