Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
one two three fourrrrnication!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
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I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
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is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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