im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood