I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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