Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
