honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
