Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
