i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
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The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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