I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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