i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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