areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
