I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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