I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize