A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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