Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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