Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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