I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
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bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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