why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
