You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
