Already got asked if we're dating
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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