I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
