I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
