I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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