We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
