he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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